Do You Know Who Your Dealing With?

Understanding the four temperaments is crucial for any and every relationship both personally AND in business.

There are so many avenues to take as I start typing this.  There are so many types of relationships:  Marriage, parenting, friends, co-workers, other family etc.  I hope to uncover a couple of known but NOT so known common denominators that are essential in ALL relationships as well as direct you all to some helpful information that has helped tens of thousands of people

Maybe you are married and struggling to keep it together, rekindle the fire or simply “understand” your spouse.  Maybe you are having a really tough time with your relationship, or lack of a relationship, you’re your children.  Maybe you have jumped from relationship to relationship never having one work out always thinking it’s the “other person” all the time or maybe you have had a pattern or relationship issues with every boss or co-worker you have ever had, again, thinking it’s always the “other person”.

I will list the common denominators that impact all relationships and explain a little about how and why they do.

PERSONALITY:  As there are many different people, there are many different personality traits within each and every one of us.  You may have heard some of these terms but never understood exactly what they mean as some people, consultants or counselors will label them differently.  Some experts say there are 4 different personalities, some say 16, some say 32.  Some label them by words, colors or energies.  I have found in dealing with many people that there are many “disorders” that people are “medicated” for, that are often simply personality traits!!!  NOW how important is it to understand them?

Here are a few examples of personality labels:

  • Blue, Red, Yellow and White or Blue, Orange, Gold and Green (among others).
  • Right Brain Introvert, Right Brain Extrovert, Left Brain Introvert and Left Brain Extrovert. (This is commonly used in horse training as well)
  • D.I.S.C.  or Dominant, Inspiring, Supportive and Cautious
  • Choleric, Melancholy, Phlegmatic and Sanguine.

I will explain just a little on the different types to help you even through this post, understand people around you better.  It is not always “our fault” we are the way we are but it can be our fault if we STAY there. J)

The Choleric: (Dominant) is generally an extrovert and a very driven person who is said to be a “born leader”.  The Choleric is also known as dynamic, goal oriented, one to delegate, one who thrives on opposition and moves quickly into action.  Some of their short comings however are that they are strong willed, impatient, bossy, not complementary and quick tempered. ( Yes I AM working on all of theses :) )

The Sanguine:  (Inspiring) is also commonly an extrovert who is also said to possess strong leadership skills as they usually have an appealing personality, very talkative, “LIFE of the party”, enthusiastic, emotional, always a “kid at heart” or (just a kid!), curious, spontaneous and a “live for today” attitude.  As FUN we sound “we” sound we also have some slight wrinkles to iron out such as our restless energy, sometimes talk TOO much and are TOO energetic to where we completely freak people out!, we can have a tendency to complain and be egotistical (Not me I’m one of the most humble people I know!! 🙂 ) and we never seem to “grow up”.

The Melancholic:  (Supportive) is going to be a thoughtful, analytical, sensitive and contentious.  They are one to set high standards, be very schedule/detail oriented, have the ability to see the problem and find a creative solution.  Some of their weaknesses are:  They tend to be moody or depressed, self-centered (wanting attention to them), remembers the negatives and has a tendency to have a low self-image.

The Phlegmatic:  (Cautious) is generally going to have a “low key” personality, easy going, calm cool and collected, patient and sympathetic.  They however tend to be unenthusiastic, low motivated, self-righteous, shy and worrisome.

To sum it up, let’s use a scenario of car keys.  A Melancholic personality may make SURE they put the car keys in the same place every single time, the Choleric may get mad if they can’t find them fast enough, a Phlegmatic may just not care while a Sanguine may lose them every time or possibly forget they even have a car.

Now you may have been able to identify some of these characteristics in either yourself, spouse or co-worker.  Here is where knowing this can be beneficial.

Once you understand “them” a little more, you may be able to have a better idea how to approach and communicate with them and realize it’s not so much about “what” we say, or even how we say it but rather what they heard.

Hope this sheds some light on a few things for you all!

I would love to hear your feedback!

God Bless,


Colin Sexton